I Want To Hold Your Hand
by the.huffalump
Summary: "I went for something simple. Something sweet, something understated. I reached across the seat for his hand." Yes, ANOTHER Eclare fic. What can I say? They're fun.  Final chapter posted, story COMPLETE! Woo!
1. Intro

**I Want To Hold Your Hand**

_._

_Yeah, you've got that something,_

_I think you'll understand,_

_When I'll feel that something,_

_I want to hold your hand..._

- "I Want To Hold Your Hand" by The Beatles

_._

_Oh. Uh. Wait. What?_

Those were my first thoughts when Eli told me he killed his girlfriend.

Not directly, of course. Like, in the most indirect way possible.

But he still blames himself.

Every day he wakes up thinking that he's a murderer.

"Why should I be happy?"

I stopped for a moment. What can I say? What do I do? Not too far forward, but something to comfort him, just the same. So, I went for something simple. Something sweet, something understated.

I reached across the seat for his hand. I laced my fingers between his and held his hand.

Because sometimes, that's all you need. Someone there to hold your hand.

_._

**-An Eclare-**


	2. If I Was Your Girlfriend

**If I Was Your Girfriend...**

"_Just find out where you stand with him! It worked for me and Drew, didn't it?_"

_"Well, kind of, I mean, it took a while. Eventually it worked, I guess."_

_"Then what are you waiting for, Clare?" Alli grabbed my shoulders and shook me. "Go out there and CLAIM YOUR MAN!"_

"Are you okay? Something on your mind?"

I blinked, coming out of my trance. Since when did Eli show up? And why does he only show up when I'm in the middle of one of my moments?

"Clare?" He asked, brushing hair out of my face. _I really wish you'd stop doing stuff like that, Eli. It makes it harder to ask these kind of questions and face their immanent answers when you're __doing__ stuff like that._

I shook my head, trying to clear it of thoughts. "It's nothing..." And I was ready to dismiss the subject then and there. But then, I looked up. His eyes bore into mine. I could tell his Spidey senses were tingling. _"You're lying, Edwards." _It said.

_Just give up, Clare. _I took a deep breath. "It's just...Eli, what are we? Like, are we English partners, friends...or, I don't know, a couple?" I looked up at him, waiting for an answer. He didn't respond immediately, so I almost added "of people who enjoy reading for fun". But he opened his mouth before I could open my big, fat one.

"If we're not sure what we are, then we better find out, right?"

"Uh, yeah." I nodded. _Just keep quiet, Clare, and you'll figure out where this is going..._

"So, how's about this Friday at eight?"

I nodded. _Did Eli just ask me out? Is this a platonic thing? Just hanging out? Will there be kissing or is this the kind of thing he'd do with Adam? Oh gosh, he's expecting an answer and I'm standing here like an idiot. What do I say? What do I say?_ "Sounds good." _Nice save._

He took a step toward me and I backed up into my locker. "I'll meet you at the park, then." He said, his face about an inch from mine. It's amazing. He said "park", but he made it seem so...dark, mysterious, sexy... Basically, It _not _make me think "dogs playing Frisbee".

He leaned his face in even closer until we were _almost_ touching, almost kissing, almost, almost... "I've got class." I could feel every syllable. His lips almost brushed against mine when he spoke. Then he turned, and walked away. I gasped for air, and I didn't even know I was holding my breath.

_Okay, definitely not the kind of thing he'd do with Adam._ I thought, closing my locker.


	3. Walk on the Wild Side

**Author's Note: **Sorry it took so long to post! School's got me up to my elbows in work, though. I'll try to post as often as possible, though. Thanks to everybody who reviews and thanks to everybody who puts up with my infrequency! So, here's Chapter Two! Enjoy. Or don't. (Review either way :P)

**Walk on the Wild Side (of the Park)**

"Hm." I looked around the park. This was definitely not what I had pictured. There were kids running around and playing on a playground, elderly people talking about their gastritis on a bench, and pregnant women trying to jog off a few pounds. Weren't they all supposed to be gone by now? I mean, this is what a park looks like when the sun is all the way above our heads. Not when it's romantically hiding behind hills, sending oranges, pinks, and purples cascading across the sky. Why can't everyone just buzz off?

I stood on top of the hill, looking at the park below. Where was Eli? He was already five minutes late...

I felt a hand touch my waist and I jerked my elbow back instinctively.

"_Dammit_, Clare!" I turned around to see Eli stumbling backwards, an arm wrapped around his ribcage.

"Sorry!" I reached for his hand to steady him.

"What was..." He fell to the ground and pulled me down on top of him. We lay there for a moment, all tangled up in the grass. "…that?" he finished his question, his face inches away from mine for the second time that week. And, for the second time that week, he didn't make any moves.

I awkwardly got up and brushed my jeans off. "Um...my mom made my sister and I take self-defense classes a year ago. She got date-raped and...it's a long story." I looked around us. "So...here we are." I poked at a patch of grass with my foot. "At the park."

"Yes." Eli stood up next to me. "But, now I must show you where we will be spending this lovely evening."

"What? Where are we going?"

"To Hell if we don't pray!" He grabbed my arm and pulled me towards a corner of the park. We stopped at a tall, black gate that surrounded the park's pool.

Eli smiled and gestured to the gate. "Be right back."

"We're breaking into the pool?"

"Gee, nothing gets past you, Clare." Eli said, beginning to climb the fence.

I sighed and looked around. _I can't believe I'm about to do this. Do you know how many laws this violates? Look, right there, __right__there__, there's a sign telling people not to do __exactly__ what I am about to do! What has Eli's crazy powers of persuasion gotten me into now? _I thought as the gate loudly creaked open, revealing a smirking Eli and a picnic basket set up beside the pool.

I sat down on the ground next to him as he reached inside the basket. He pulled out a bag of marshmallows, a bag of Goldfish crackers, and half-full bottle of maple syrup.

"I can see you put a lot of thought into this feast." I smiled, opening the bag of marshmallows.

"Nothing but the best." Eli popped a marshmallow into his mouth.

* * *

"Wow." I said, taking the empty bottle from him. "You're right. It's completely empty." I shook it upside down.

"Never doubt my awesome chugging skills." Eli said.

"I guess your huge mouth had to be good for something besides sarcastic comments..." I said, teasing.

Eli acted offended. "Ouch! Those are the _only_ things it's good for?"

I tapped my chin, "Yep, that's all I can think of."

Eli leaned closer to me, "That's all?"

I leaned into him. "That's it."

"Nothing else?" He cocked an eyebrow.

"Can you think of anything?" _Hint, hint, freaking HINT_.

He smirked and his head started moving back.

_Okay, you know what, Teasie- _He cut off this thought with a kiss. Short, sweet, and to-the-point. Like a well-written mission statement. And may I say, Eli, mission accomplished.

"So," he said, leaning back. "Now it's your turn. I dare you to jump into the pool."

I smiled and shook my head. "What? _Why_?"

"Do you _always_ need a reason to do something, Clare?" Eli brushed off his jeans and stood up. "Well, _I'm _going in. Last chance..." He sat at the edge of the pool and took his jacket off.

I rolled my eyes and joined him as he pulled a boot off. "Happy?" I asked, stepping out of my shoes.

"Ecstatic." He answered, standing up. He looked at me and pushed a piece of hair behind my ear. "You ready?"

I looked down into the water. It looked like it was ready to freeze over any second now. "Maybe this isn't the best idea, I mean, what if we get hypothermia or—"

"Clare." Eli grabbed my shoulders and looked deep into my eyes. "Stop thinking so much. Start _doing_."

I nodded, caught in his gaze and not remembering how to speak.

He let go of me and turned to face the water. "So, are you in?"

_Don't think, just do. _I told myself. I took a step forward and let my toes dangle over the pool's edge. "Let's go. Before I change my mind."

He smiled and started the countdown. "Three." A cool, late fall breeze swept through the air, whipping my curls around like tiny shivering tornadoes. A cold sensation crept down my spine and I tensed with anticipation.

My hand found his.

"Two." I counted as my fingers laced between his.

"One."

We jumped.


	4. Adrenaline Rush

**Author's Note:** Again, sorry it took a while! School. It involves work. Who knew? Not Degrassi watchers. _Anyway,_ as a recap, Eli & Clare just jumped into a pool. Okay, you're pretty much caught up, then. And I'm babbling so I'm going to stop and you're going to read. :)

**Adrenaline Rush**

The sensation felt like plunging feet-first into a bed of broken icicles. Tiny, icy cold pricks jabbed at every part of my body. The water soaked through my sweater and the added weight from the water pulled me down lower. My body went completely numb for one, freezing moment. Then, I felt warmth. I recognized the hand in mine and clenched it tighter, not letting my one source of heat disappear.

I shot towards the top of the pool and gasped for air as my head rose above the water. Eli's head surfaced right after mine. "I have _got_ to stop letting you talk me into situations like this." I said. My teeth chattered like crazy as the wind whipped at my face which I'm sure was turning an unattractive shade of blue.

He helped me out of the water and we stood on the pool's edge for a minute, soaked and just staring at each other. I wrapped my arms around my body as the wind whipped around me, slowly freezing me to death.

Eli's hair was plastered against his face and sopping wet. And his teeth were chattering just as fast as mine.

He opened his mouth to say something, but we both froze (forgive the pun) when we saw light turn on. We immediately both jerked our heads toward the pool house and saw a face staring right back at us through a window.

"Crap." Eli said, grabbing my hand. "Run."

_Don't think, just do. _I thought as he led me to the gate and lifted me up. We heard yelling behind us and he threw the picnic basket over the gate to me. I ran with it as Eli scrambled over the fence.

I kept running until I found a little willow tree to hide under. I ducked underneath the branches and sat down on the grass, leaning against the trunk. I sat there, panting and wondering if Eli had been caught. I was overwhelmed with everything. The pool, the chase, the night, Eli...just...the moment. _Living in the moment_, I thought, _so this is what it's like._

I felt relief fall over me as I saw Eli's familiar soaking wet head poke through the willow branches. He walked over to the trunk and sat down next to me.

"I told you it'd be fun." He smirked.

"It's amazing." I said. "Exhilarating. The thrill of it all." I beamed. He looked back at me with an "I told you so" expression. And the pool's excitement may have ebbed, but a new sort of excitement was starting. In my stomach, of all places. It did cartwheels as we stared at each other. I figured, why stop it there, with another one of our staring contests? Let's push it further and see where we get...

I leaned in and kissed him. This one wasn't a mission statement. _This_ was a celebration. _This_ was victory.

We broke apart and Eli leaned back. "Wow. I wonder what would happen if I took you to an amusement park."

"Pig." I slapped him.

"Oink." He said, putting his arm around my waist and leaning back in.

"Eli, I do believe that you are a bad influence on me." I said, smiling, right before his lips found mine.

* * *

"Clare, I think Eli is a bad influence on you."

"Mom!" I could _not _believe her! She was stereotyping my...well, I still don't know what we are...

"Clare, he wears all black clothes and drives a hearse! You don't find him the least bit _morbid_? Didn't you ever tell him that Jesus died on the cross for us and..." I could not believe she was going there.

I rolled my eyes. "Mom, you're being unfair! He's really sweet and nice and smart, if you'd just try to get to know him, you'd like him!"

"Sweetie, it's not just his obsession with death that I'm worried about, it's you! I don't think he's a good influence for you to be around. You told me you would be home at ten and it's eleven! An _hour_, Clare! I had no idea where you were for one hour!" She put her hands on her hips.

"Mom, I was a little late, and we just got stuck in traffic. It's not like I was joining a motorcycle gang!" I threw my hands up in the air, exhausted with this argument. I knew I wasn't going to win, I knew my mom was going to give me a hard time about Eli. I just wish she'd ground me and get it over with.

My mom gasped. I froze. She was staring at me, or more specifically, my hand. I lowered it slowly and her eyes followed. I looked down at my hand to see what she was staring at.

And then I realized.

My purity ring was gone.


	5. I'll Be There

**Author's Note: **This was hard to write. It's part filler, part resolution, so sorry if it sucks.

**I'll Be There**

.

"I found this in the picnic basket last night." Eli said, sitting down across the table from me and taking a sip of coffee.

I looked to see what he put in front of me. "Thanks. It's a smidge late, though. My mom already spotted me without it." I said, returning the purity ring to my finger. "And stampeding rhinos would've been more cuddly."

His eyes nearly bulged out of his head and he choked on his drink. "Wow. She thinks we had _sex_? How long are you grounded?"

I shook my head. "I'm not." His expression showed a mixture of confusion and disbelief. "She was angry, but like disappointed-angry."

"Ah. The worst kind."

"I've never seen my mom that upset before. Not after Darcy accused Mr. Simpson falsely, not when she found out about Darcy's suicide attempt, not when she found out Darcy was raped..."

"Darcy's wild life..." Eli murmured into his coffee.

"Huh?"

"So, lemme guess, you've been Mommy's little angel while your sister's been out being the family's wild child." Eli said, looking like he's got the whole situation figured out.

"Yes, but—"

"Then what if your Mom is just trying to live out all the hopes and dreams she had for Darcy, with you?"

"I don't think it's that simple." I played with an empty sugar packet on the table. "I didn't notice until right after our argument, but my dad wasn't home." He looked confused. "It was _eleven,_ and my dad wasn't home." I bit my lip. "In fact, he didn't come home at all. He wasn't even there this morning."

A look of understanding and worry took over Eli's face. "I...don't know what to say."

I looked up at him. "Whatever you decide on, just don't tell me 'Everything is going to be okay.'" I ran my hand through my hair and my eyes darted back down to the table. "Because it isn't."

I felt my face go hot and my eyes started to water. _I can't believe this! I'm going to start crying now? __Now__? In front of __Eli__? I didn't cry __all__ last night and now I'm just going to burst into tears. Why now? Why here?_

I started wiping the tears off my face, but Eli caught my hand. I looked up. He intertwined our fingers and locked us in a hand hold.

His look didn't say _"It's going to be okay"_ or even _"I'm sorry"_. It was better described by what he said while looking at me.

"I don't know how this is going to work out, and I can't promise that your parents will be okay. But I can promise you that I'll be here if you need a shoulder to cry on."

I smiled bittersweetly and let go of his hand, "From the looks of it, you're not getting your headphones back for a while." I got up from the table.

"Damn." Eli stood up, slung his arm around my shoulders and escorted me out of The Dot.

_Everything may not be okay, but at least...some things are._


	6. Something

**Author's Note:** I'm so, so sorry! This chapter literally took forever to get up and it's because I lost my internet right when I was going to post it and ugh... Well, anyway, here it is, last chapter in all of its glory. Bon Appetite.

* * *

"_'I Wanna Hold Your Hand'…They nailed it. That's what everyone wants. Not 24-7 hot, wet sex. Not a marriage that lasts a hundred years. Not a Porsche or a blow job or a million-dollar crib. No. They wanna hold your hand. They have such a feeling that they can't hide. Every single successful love song of the past fifty years can be traced back to 'I Wanna Hold Your Hand.' And every single successful love story has those unbearable and unbearably exciting moments of hand-holding. Trust me. I've thought a lot about this."_

-Dev. The biggest freaking genius of our generation.

Excerpt from _Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist _by Rachel Cohn and David Levithan.

.

**Something**

"Wait...wait! Hold on! Quit Struggling! Just...trust me, okay?"

"Well, this would be a whole lot easier if you let me take this stupid blindfold off!" I complained as he tugged my blindfolded self down a few stairs.

"Calm down, we're almost there, just...duck." I ducked my head down and waddled forward. I walked in circles, trying to figure out where I was, arms flailing in every direction.

"Can I take it off _now_?" I whined, trying to act exhausted when I was overflowing with excitement.

"I'll take it off when you put down the weapons." Eli said and I folded my hands nicely in front of me. I felt his hands struggling with the knot.

The blindfold dropped and I looked around. We were under a canopy of leaves and I was looking at a trunk.

The same place where we end up on all of our dates. The ones at The Dot, the _Clown Academy_ move marathon (each worst than the last), and the fateful night at the pool that led us here for the first time...

The willow tree. _Our_ willow tree. I bet we've spent more time under it than that patch of dirt so, yes, it is _ours_.

"We always end up here anyway, so we might as well skip straight to it, just this once?" He sat on the grass and leaned against the tree's trunk. He patted the grass next to him. I walked over to the trunk and sat down beside him.

"Interesting idea." I looked at him, he was staring up at the slivers of night sky peeking through the branches. "A date that doesn't end here, but starts here."

"Who knows where else this night will take us?" He looked back at me and smiled.

At that moment, I honestly did not care where else it took us, I was good with _this_. Where we were now. I let my head rest against his shoulder and felt a moment of total and complete _bliss. _

You know, one of those moments where you just feel that everything is perfectly in place? Like certain moments of your life were pieces of a puzzle and you had just finished putting it all together and everything fit perfectly in place and even if it only lasts for a moment before somebody steps on it and ruins everything, it was worth all the effort and time spent putting it together, just for the feel of that one moment. I took in the moment, drank it all in, and just _felt._

"So, have you figured out what we are yet?" Eli asked.

"Actually, I think I have." I reached for his hand. Our fingers laced together.

It was the hand hold that was with us as Eli told me about Julia, as we jumped into the pool, as my parents' marriage came apart at the seams. It was for comfort in times of pain, it was for somebody in times of nobody. It stood for all that was good and all that was us. The hand hold that kept us together, an army of two. Nothing could beat us.

"We are..." I nestled into the spot where his throat met his shoulder and whispered into his neck, "Us."

"Us." Eli leaned his cheek against my hair. "That works."

.

THE END.


End file.
